"If you're under 30 and in a relationship right now, and you're not head over heels, get out. You are way too young to be wasting your time with someone who doesn't make you really happy to be with them every day. There's nothing sadder than watching 23-year-olds settle." - Carolyn Hall
There's something about this quote - I can't quite figure out whether I like it or hate it. Maybe it's a combination of both?
I guess it tries to make love and relationships seem so black and white... You're either head over heels in love, or it's nothing. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that love is definitely not a black and white matter. It's more of a kaleidoscope - passionate red and sunshiny yellow and confusing grey and bruised blue and everything in between. And through my kaleidoscope eyes, I've realised that sometimes people just can't love you the way you want them to... But it doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have. It doesn't matter how much you daydream and wish and hope for it.
The 'head over heels' thing doesn't sit all that well with me. I often tell people that I am a living, breathing, contradiction - I am a hopeless romantic at heart, and I am also a realist. I understand that loving someone and being in love with someone are two completely different things. I also understand that in a relationship, not every day will be romance and roses. Some days will be awkward and painful and vulnerable, too. And I think that's really important in a relationship - being open and vulnerable, making room for the messy and the painful as well as the beautiful and the joyful moments. Head over heels is a fairytale concept, a story that has been sold to us through romance novels and chick flicks and women's magazines.
Another thing - I don't think it matters whether you are 'under 30' or over 60. You are never obliged to stay somewhere or with someone if you are not happy. You don't lose the capacity to make choices just because you reach a certain age.
So I guess personally, I take this quote with a grain of salt. It's a reminder that I don't need to settle.. And by 'settle', I mean just dating for the hell of it, because I feel obliged to be with someone. It's not about 'settling' for someone and 'knowing I deserve more'. It's about 'settling' for what is expected of me, rather than what really works for me. And that's something I choose not to do anymore.
