Love And Other Fairytales

"If you're under 30 and in a relationship right now, and you're not head over heels, get out. You are way too young to be wasting your time with someone who doesn't make you really happy to be with them every day. There's nothing sadder than watching 23-year-olds settle." - Carolyn Hall
There's something about this quote - I can't quite figure out whether I like it or hate it. Maybe it's a combination of both?
I guess it tries to make love and relationships seem so black and white... You're either head over heels in love, or it's nothing. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that love is definitely not a black and white matter. It's more of a kaleidoscope - passionate red and sunshiny yellow and confusing grey and bruised blue and everything in between. And through my kaleidoscope eyes, I've realised that sometimes people just can't love you the way you want them to... But it doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have. It doesn't matter how much you daydream and wish and hope for it.
The 'head over heels' thing doesn't sit all that well with me. I often tell people that I am a living, breathing, contradiction - I am a hopeless romantic at heart, and I am also a realist. I understand that loving someone and being in love with someone are two completely different things. I also understand that in a relationship, not every day will be romance and roses. Some days will be awkward and painful and vulnerable, too. And I think that's really important in a relationship - being open and vulnerable, making room for the messy and the painful as well as the beautiful and the joyful moments. Head over heels is a fairytale concept, a story that has been sold to us through romance novels and chick flicks and women's magazines.
Another thing - I don't think it matters whether you are 'under 30' or over 60. You are never obliged to stay somewhere or with someone if you are not happy. You don't lose the capacity to make choices just because you reach a certain age.
So I guess personally, I take this quote with a grain of salt. It's a reminder that I don't need to settle.. And by 'settle', I mean just dating for the hell of it, because I feel obliged to be with someone. It's not about 'settling' for someone and 'knowing I deserve more'. It's about 'settling' for what is expected of me, rather than what really works for me. And that's something I choose not to do anymore.

Is She For Real?

I am a girl who is so full of love and affection that some people just don't know how to take me.
Some people question my sincerity, my motives. I'm often asked if I'm joking or being sarcastic, because people don't know how to take the seemingly random compliments that spill out of my brain and out through my mouth.
I'm often teased about flirting or 'coming on too strong' because I'm not very good at (or particularly interested in) playing games and pretending that I don't care about people as much as I really do.
I sometimes joke about the fact that I am really awkward and seem to lack the filter between my brain and mouth when it comes to telling people they are great. But really, is that such a bad thing? Since when has it been socially uncouth to remind people about what makes them so rad?
I just think that in a world that seems to be so full of anger and misunderstanding, a little bit of kindness can go a long way in reminding people that the world is also overflowing with joy and love.
So call me awkward, weird, intense, whatever. I'll keep telling people they're rad when they deserve it (which is pretty much always) and I'll keep on hugging it out and I'll keep on picking up on the little things that I can do to brighten someone's day and practicing random acts of kindness because it's what I love to do.
Keep on shining, darlings <3

Are You Okay?

In a world full of KONY campaigns, ice bucket challenges and no-makeup selfies, it's easy to forget that sometimes the most meaningful and effective way to change the world or save a life is to ask your friends, family members, loved ones, colleagues, acquaintances, even strangers in the street - are you okay? Not just to ask the question, but to really hear the reply. Not just today, but every day.
You don't have to have all the answers, you don't have to 'fix' anyone, you don't have to be a qualified counsellor or psychologist. You just need to genuinely care, and be open to having a conversation - even if it's awkward and scary and painful and sniffly. Reaching out, being vulnerable, showing kindness and compassion - these are qualities that we all possess deep down, and these are the qualities that could save a life.
Sometimes the spaces inside our heads and our hearts aren't big enough to contain all the thoughts and feelings and pain and sadness that we feel, and it's really hard to feel hopeful and connected and loved and worthy. But one person, three simple words, have the potential to change this, and maybe even save a life.

I'm Not A Nice Girl

I've always been 'The Nice Girl'. In fact, it's a label I've taken pride in for most of my life; a label I always tried to live up to. But recently, I've realised that 'niceness' isn't really all it's cracked up to be. Niceness was how I ended up feeling so broken and bruised so often. I hid behind my niceness, rather than asking for what I really wanted. I would let people take, take, take what they needed from me in the name of niceness, and even when they realised that they were taking too much, I would convince them (and myself) that it was OK.
Hiding behind niceness meant telling myself that I was content with being second best, or the girl that boys kept around until someone better came along, or the friend who was understanding when she was stood up time and time again because a better offer had come up. I spent a long time secretly being really sad and resentful about how much I would give to people and how little I sometimes felt like they would give in return.
But recently, I've become aware that my 'niceness' has generally resulted in an allowance for these things. If I let people keep taking, do I really have the right to be upset when they do? If I am too scared to ask for what I really want from people, can I really get upset when I don't get it?
I tried to fall back on niceness instead of really looking at these questions. I tried to justify things by convincing myself that nice girls just have to make sacrifices sometimes, because nice girls always put other people first. Nice girls are happy to just see other people happy... even when their own hearts are breaking, even when their own hopes and dreams are put on the backburner, even when their own happiness suffers as a direct consequence of being nice.
Niceness is overrated. So, I've decided that I'm not a nice girl anymore. Instead, I'm choosing to be a kind girl. Did you know there's actually a huge difference between niceness and kindness? Kindness doesn't involve sacrifice - mine, or anyone elses. Being kind creates so much more room for happiness and love and joy because it's not tainted by sadness and resentment. Being kind is what I'm good at.